Do you ever find your belly bashing into object like, oh, bed posts, door knobs, tables, cars, elevators, mean people from Boston, wild children, and husbands who forget you still have that big bump or wish they could hug you correctly? If you do, you might be pregnant like me. Something about my depth perception has gone haywire.
Sometimes, oh, like 11:00pm right after you have brushed your teeth, flossed and are in bed (mind you that took all your energy) are you like "Holy Cow I could really go for some Lasagna, or Pizza, Nachos, and maybe some cake. Yeah, that sounds good. Hey honey, could you make me some?" Then you hear some kind of 'what are you crazy' grunt from the other side of the bed. If this has happen to you, you might be pregnant, yes like me.
These are only a few things that drive me crazy at this time. Others include:
*Stares from people (especially on vacation in Portugal) like “why are you so fat?” I seriously considered writing “I’m pregnant!” across my belly.
*Brain matter debauchery. For those thinking "She’s doing well she came up with debauchery." Sorry ladies it’s just my good old buddy Thesaurus.com.
*The random, I have know idea who you are, person who touches your belly. Oh yeah, it happens. At least a few times each pregnancy I have had so far.
*Crying over everything on TV, like the Chase credit card commercials where the couple grows old together or ANY movie for whatever reason. I found that I almost had to remove myself from the theater when I started crying so hard at the last movie we saw.
*Nothing to wear. I solved this one with borrowing. I am currently sporting the Jessica Maxfield collection. Trés chic! Last pregnancy Claire Roach was all the rave. Many thanks to these lovely ladies.
*Crazy dreams, when your husband is eaten by shark or thrown off a cliff or leaves you for no reason. I think they are starting to die down. No pun intended.
* “What are you doing, you just left the bathroom?” “Oh, well you see the baby decided to wiggle to the left and now I need to go again.”
*Getting SICK from everyone, I just got over another cold, the one before lasted so long they gave me antibiotics.
*Oh and feeling so heavy, you know, cow, elephant or whale-like.
*The more heart wrenching ones are not holding my little one because Baby-sister is hogging all the space and not feeling like snuggling my honey or even being able to because I am so large. I know I use the fat excuse often, and yes I know that it is not fat its baby. It is just easier to blame fat than the new little one.
Course it is not all bad don’t let me get you down all you who have not become a mother. I have totally cleaned/inventoried/organized my entire apartment. Thanks to that little energy boost at the end called “Nesting.” And when it is all said and done that guy - you know the stork - he brings you this really cute bundle love, labor and delivery what’s that? Only if I could picture her or see myself with two… it could be crazy. All in all, I know I will be ready once she is here and that I will be able to do the job. It’s just getting to that point; until then my mind will continue to create all the worked up fears and worries I am feeling now. And then like magic I’ll forget all this… until next time!!!
Looking for more pregnancy stories to relate to: watch “Notes from the Underbelly,” ABC Monday night 9:30pm. One of our faves.